Daughters-in-law

As a young girl, I had lofty aspirations (for a girl of that time) of growing up to be a wife and mother of two children.....a girl and a boy. The "perfect" family. Everything I ever wanted...Well, I did grow up to be a wife, a young one, at that, and a mother, again, a young one. My first son was born soon after I turned 20. My second son was born when I was 21. At some point previous, and during most of my second pregnancy, I remember wishing so badly for a girl....God gave me a son and for that I have been ever so grateful. I was fortunate to have had two sons who were the best of friends growing up. If I had the boy and girl, their lives would have intersected and ended up much differently. So much for ever thinking that what you want is actually what's best in the larger scheme of life. I am happy that my sons still love each other in spite of the fact that they differ from each other so very much. People who have never had children will ask if you love one child more than another and I could never understand the question. It's like asking if you love the warmth of the sun more than you love the glow from the moon. Or love spring more than fall. I love them both, but for different reasons.

One thing I certainly do love about my sons is the fact that they inherited their "good taste" from their mother. They have both provided me with daughters...girls I had longed for, but didn't have to give birth to. I don't think I would have been a good mother to a girl. I probably would have tried to re-live my motherless childhood through my daughter by desperately trying to be the mother I wished I had. Now, I just get to enjoy the companionship and love of two women who happen to love and care for my boys. Mind you, not as much as I DO, but the next best. LOL

I often give advice to my friends who are about to become "mothers-in-law." I offer up my opinion that if you make your daughter-in-law (DIL) happy, you will, in turn, make your son happy. I also told my sons that they should "choose" their wife over their mother every time since she will be the one taking care of you from now on, not me, and I will love you no matter what choice you make.

I made it a point to admit to my DILs that I am only human and capable of being intrusive, insensitive or incongruous, albeit never intentionally. The trick is to just stop me in my tracks with a "code" word and then we will both enjoy a good laugh. I use this tactic with DIL #1. My code name is "Marie," after Marie Romano, of "Everybody Loves Raymond." Marie: the typically miserable "mother-in-law" (MIL). Now, I am proud to say, that DIL #1 (aka Deborah) has only called me "Marie" twice. She may tell you she has wanted to call me "Marie" more than that, but I can attest to the fact that I have actually only heard two utterances. Not bad for over 6 years into my MIL status.

Thank you, God, for giving me two boys. I love them both. Two completely different and unique individuals with different talents and tastes.....I love my DILs...again two completely different and unique individuals who I ADORE. Indeed, "Life is beautiful," as my email tag line states. Beautifully full of sons and daughters...and love.